Dating is weird. It has always been weird, I guess, but it feels even weirder now with online dating being such a normal part of life. For my generation, it almost feels like the default way to meet someone. The idea of casually meeting somebody at a cafe, a bar, or through some random real-life moment feels like it has been thrown out of the window. Maybe it still happens, but online dating is where everyone seems to be.

I have written about online dating before, and honestly, I still have not figured it out. I do not think anyone really has. There are too many rules, too many unspoken expectations, and too many ways for things to go wrong before they even begin. But I have developed a system of sorts. It is probably not the healthiest system, and it may sound a little pessimistic, but it works for me, at least mentally and physically, in the short term.

The system is simple: I do not go on dating apps expecting to meet anyone.

The second I accept that I probably will not meet my person through an app, the pressure kind of disappears. I open the app, swipe right and left, and wait for matches to pop up. The important part of my system is that I never contact anyone I match with. That is the trick.

A match is enough. It tells me that maybe I am not that bad-looking, not that boring, or not as unlovable as I sometimes convince myself I am. Somebody saw my profile and thought, “Yeah, why not?” And honestly, on certain days, that small validation is all I need. It gives me enough of an ego boost to get through the day.

So why would I risk ruining that feeling by actually trying to connect with someone?

Messaging someone comes with too many variables. They might not reply. They might reply once and disappear. They might ghost you after a great conversation. You might have to deal with the anxiety of meeting them in real life and realising there is no chemistry. Or worse, there is chemistry, and then suddenly you have something else to overthink.

There is a weird comfort in never taking it that far. I can look at my matches, keep them there like little trophies, and move on with my day. They are proof that I can still be wanted without having to deal with the messiness of it all. Maybe that is a sad way to look at online dating. Maybe it means I am avoiding something real. But right now, it feels safer than putting myself out there.