It’s been three years since Andrew Garfield brought Jonathan Larson’s talent and struggles to life in Netflix’s Tick, Tick… Boom!. Since then, the film has become my most-watched movie on Letterboxd and one of my all-time favorites. What draws me back is more than Garfield’s remarkable performance or the soundtrack’s undeniable appeal—it’s how vividly the film captures the complexities of purpose and the relentless passage of time. Watching Larson’s story, I feel as if the movie is peeling back the layers of my own doubts and questions, laying bare the fears that so often feel too heavy to voice.

We meet Larson on the brink of thirty, chasing a dream he’s poured his heart into, with the sense that time is slipping away faster than he can create anything meaningful. As he inches closer to this milestone, doubts begin to fester. Rejection and failure, which have shadowed him for years, threaten to choke the life out of his passion. And yet, even as friends around him turn away from their artistic dreams and settle into the safety of stable jobs, he holds on. He clings to his purpose, desperate to make his mark, no matter the cost. In Larson, I see someone willing to risk everything to do what he loves, even when that means losing everything. He chooses a life of uncertainty, chasing the fleeting hope of fulfillment over the comfort that others embrace.

The part of Larson’s journey that haunts me most is this willingness to endure, even when the world offers no promises. I want to hold on to a life of purpose the way he did, yet it’s hard to escape the doubts that tug at me. I see so many people around me living lives that bring them no real joy, shackled to routines they hate, and I wonder what any of it is really for. I sometimes feel like I’m the only one holding onto ideals that seem to grow more fragile every day, while everyone else drifts further into a version of life that feels safe and predictable. But watching Tick, Tick… Boom! reminds me that this struggle is real, and that there are others who feel it, too.

The film also drives home the truth that time is painfully finite. We don’t know how much time we’re given, and Larson’s story—a life cut tragically short—reminds me that the end could come at any moment. That thought is terrifying, and it makes me wonder if I’ll ever find the courage to chase something that means as much to me as creating meant to him.

Larson’s story doesn’t wrap things up with a clean, satisfying conclusion. Life is messy, painful, and brutally uncertain. Tick, Tick… Boom! leaves us with this reality: that sometimes, choosing a life of purpose means enduring hardships that might never lead to recognition or success. But perhaps that’s the lesson—it’s not the outcome but the journey, the fight to do something that feels true, even if it leaves you scarred. In the end, Larson’s struggle and his unwavering dedication inspire me to keep going, even when it feels impossible, knowing that living a life that means something to me is worth all the heartbreak along the way.

Just don’t let go or you may drown.

Jonathan Larson, Rent