I’m a complex individual, battling with anxiety, social awkwardness, and a tendency to quit. A quitter is a person who gives up easily or lacks the courage and determination to complete a task. As I reflect on my life, it’s evident that I’ve quit many things, some even before giving them a chance.

Before enrolling at IILM University, Gurgaon, in 2020, I quit Bennett University after just one semester—strike one. After finishing my undergraduate degree in journalism and mass communication at IILM, I joined the Asian College of Journalism in Chennai in June of this year, only to quit within two weeks—strike two. It’s important to note that the reasons for quitting in these situations were entirely different, but a concerning pattern of quitting when faced with challenges has emerged. The final strike came much earlier, when I had the opportunity to intern at a media startup called People Like Us Create (PLUC) right after completing my 12th grade. I’m not sure if, technically, that counts as quitting because I left before even starting. That’s a story in itself.

During my time at IILM, in my 5th semester, I attended a criminal psychology class, which, unsurprisingly, I didn’t complete. But something intriguing happened during one of the classes. The teacher taught us how to analyse a person’s personality through their signature. After the class, many of us had our signatures examined. When it was my turn, she remarked that I tend to quit things just as I’m about to finish them. This comment got me thinking, although it didn’t lead to deep introspection at that moment, as I was swamped with coursework. Recently, I quit my first proper job, and this compelled me to ponder: am I, in fact, a quitter, and is that such a bad thing?

Perhaps I am a quitter, but is it as terrible as people suggest? Most people don’t explicitly say it to your face, but their expressions or tone often reveal their judgment. They may perceive you as a loser who never completes anything. Each time I quit, I attempt to convince myself that it’s the situation that’s at fault and not me. Occasionally, that might be true, but when quitting becomes a pattern, it’s hard not to question if I’m the issue.

People quit for various reasons, and for me, it largely stems from my fear of failure. Despite experiencing failure in my life multiple times, I remain afraid of it. This fear compels me to quit things before they have the chance to label me as a failure, simply because I might not be able to bear more setbacks. The weight of accumulated negatives outweighing positives in my life has started to become overwhelming.

To put it simply, imagine if I were a pros and cons list. The cons would outnumber the pros significantly, and that’s not a list I’d like to be associated with. So instead, I find myself opting for a blank page for the rest of my life, devoid of mistakes because I never even dared to try.