For as long as I can remember, I had a strong desire to become a journalist. It wasn’t about the money, as the field often lacks financial rewards, but rather about the sense of purpose and the belief that my work could influence history. I aspired to do work that I could look back on with pride, and television, particularly shows like The Newsroom, played a significant role in shaping my enthusiasm for journalism. These shows made journalism seem like the most meaningful and fulfilling career.

I recently started working as a sub-editor at an emerging news website called AwaazSouthAsia on September 1st. It was founded by experienced journalists, Jyoti Malhotra and Nirupama Subramanian. Initially, I saw it as an exciting opportunity to learn from the best in the industry, individuals with decades of experience in the field I aspired to build my career in. As a sub-editor, my job involved many important tasks for the news website. I had to make sure the website is always up to date, publish stories, videos, and pictures, edit content carefully to make it clear and accurate, handle our social media, work with contributors, and collaborate closely with the video editor and editor.

However, things didn’t go as planned. To begin with, the website was in disarray, and even now, it still has many technical issues. Despite being far from ready for its scheduled launch on October 2nd, the entire team worked tirelessly to meet the deadline. The problem wasn’t just the technical issues, but also the toxic working environment. Co-founder Jyoti Malhotra had many suggestions but was stubborn when it came to accepting any input. The environment was far from collaborative. To provide some context, I’ve been struggling with my mental health for some time, and I had recently started seeking help from a psychiatrist, which seemed to be making a positive impact. However, this positive trajectory took a sharp downturn when I began working at the startup. My mental health deteriorated with each passing day due to the constant self-doubt and the environment.

Not to sound ageist, but I found that some older individuals expected respect but were unwilling to reciprocate the same courtesy to younger colleagues. This felt hypocritical and added to the challenges I was facing. I was subjected to verbal abuse on multiple occasions. One instance that stands out was during a video call where Malhotra criticised an article I submitted, used offensive language, and implied that my work made her want to start drinking again. It was deeply hurtful and demoralising.

These incidents weren’t isolated, and as time went on, I realised that the toll on my mental health was not worth it. After careful consideration, I made the difficult decision to resign, and on October 3rd, I sent an email explaining my reasons. I mentioned my mental health struggles and my belief that perhaps I wasn’t the right fit for the job, suggesting they find someone more qualified. It was an honest reflection of how I felt after everything I had endured.

There were subsequent discussions with Malhotra, during which she seemed to understand my perspective and urged me to return to work. However, a screenshot incident proved to be the final straw. She inadvertently sent me a screenshot that revealed her focus on protecting her own reputation above all else. This realisation shattered my perception of her as a genuinely nice person.

By the end of the month, I came to two realisations: first, that journalism wasn’t quite the idealised career I once believed it to be, and second, that I no longer desired to pursue journalism as my path forward. I also want to make it clear that my intention is not to tarnish anyone’s character but rather to share my perspective and experiences.